wear, what to eat, how to spend our time.
Some decisions are no-brainers. You make your
choice, and even if it’s not the best decision,
the potential consequences are rarely worth
breaking a sweat.
Then there are the BIG decisions.
Should I move?
Which job offer will be best?
Am I in the right relationship?
Should I proceed with the surgery?
Sometimes the elements and possible consequences
of a big decision are so complicated your brain
gets muddled, and confusion and indecision grip
you like a vice. You become frozen like a deer in
headlights.
The more you ponder the decision, the more
confused and stuck you feel.You just want a
voice from the heavens to shout down
instructions and tell you what path to take. “Hey
you, make that decision. You’ll be much happier!”
This confusion is so uncomfortable that we tend
to avoid these big decisions altogether. Of course
this does nothing but stoke a low-level sense of
anxiety and frustration about ourselves and our
circumstances. Avoidance has never been a great
strategy for life success and happiness.
Over-thinking and compulsively analyzing a
decision doesn’t help much either. Trying to
predict the future is an impossible task, regardless
of how certain you may feel about a desired
outcome. Life is too unpredictable to know with
certainty that you are making the “right” decision.
Ultimately, any decision involves a leap of faith.
When I’ve had to make big life decisions, I’ve
learned to take several practical steps infused
with a big dose of emotional guidance. In other
words, I start with my head but also listen to
my heart.
Here are some keys on how to make a decision
without regret.
1. Have a Life Vision
A life vision should be the foundation and
reference point for every decision you make. In
your deepest dreams, how do you envision your
life in all areas – career, relationships, finances,
lifestyle, etc. What core values define this vision
for you? Make a point of writing down your
vision and the values that define it. Refine the
vision over time as necessary. Then when a big
decision comes along, you can use this vision as
a guide. If you deviate too far from the vision,
it will cause you eventual pain and regret.
Evaluate your choices based on your vision.
Which one is in closest alignment with your
vision?
2. Evaluate the Pros and the Cons
Consider the possible positive and negative
aspects or consequences of your decision. Write
down a list of pros and cons for each possible
alternative. Then prioritize these points with the
most important considerations at the top of the
list. What are the possible implications of the
cons? Do they outweigh the pros? Can you live
with the potential negative fallout or
consequences? What could you do to mitigate the
fallout?
3. Phone a Friend
Carefully select two or three trusted friends
whose opinion and judgment you value. Tell them
about your life vision, show them your list of
pros and cons and ask for their input about
your decision. Someone who is removed from the
turmoil of the decision and who has a different
perspective can help you see things in a clearer
light. A personal coach also can help you gain
clarity around your decision by asking you
pointed questions related to your motivations,
feelings, and desires.
4 . Invoke a Higher Power
Go to a quiet place. Breathe deeply. Close your
eyes. Go within. Pray or meditate (or whatever
feels right to you) and ask for guidance. Your
own inner wisdom and intuition will often rise to
your conscious mind when you calm the mental
chaos of over-thinking your decision. Imagine
yourself in all of the possible outcomes and pay
attention to how you feel. Keep a pen and paper
handy to make notes about your feelings after
reflection. Give it a few days. You may be
surprised that the answer presents itself
unexpectedly.
5. Try the Coin Trick
I love this idea because it puts you in touch
with you real desires. Grab a quarter and assign
one decision choice to heads and the other to
tails. Flip the coin and before it lands, pay
attention to side you hope it lands on. If there
are more than two choices, balance each choice
against another using the same trick. More than
likely, this immediate reaction is what you truly
want to do. Something in your heart is pulling
you in that direction. Examine this result
carefully, because even if the choice conflicts with
all of the practical considerations, you may be
dishonoring your deepest desires.
6. Research and Experiment
Do the work to gain as much knowledge as
possible about the options. Research, ask
questions, talk with people who have experienced
each scenario. If possible, experiment with the
alternative outcomes. If you are considering a
move, spend a good amount of time in the city
you are contemplating. If you are exploring a job
opportunity, ask to spend a day or two
shadowing someone in the office. If you are
thinking of ending a relationship, test some time
apart before you make your decision.
7. Don’t Look Back
If you have done the work, honored your vision,
examined the pros and cons, sought guidance,
done your due diligence, and connected with your
intuition, then make your choice, take the leap
and don’t look back. There are millions of paths
we can take in a lifetime, all leading to different
opportunities and potential consequences. You
won’t have a guarantee, but you don’t need one.
Uncertainty is part of the adventure of life. Once
you are on this new adventure, have confidence
that you made the best decision with the
information available, and move forward with a
spring in your step. There is something good to
be learned on every path we follow.
The ability to make a decision is the fuel for
personal and professional growth. If you enter a
decision with the knowledge that uncertainty is
inevitable, and you accept you must decide in
spite of uncertainty, then you will never get
stuck. By taking the steps outlined, you empower
yourself to make an informed and thoughtful
choice, leaving little room for future regret.
What have you done to make a big decision in
the past? How have you minimized the possibility
of regret? Try this, it’ll make sense!
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